Kim Coleman & Jenny Hogarth with The Boyle family

Transcribed by Wendy Short

ICA, 12 May 2008, 8pm

In the darkened theatre space, coloured pools of light illuminate an environment prepped and ready for action. A network of miscellaneous elements, arranged across the entire room, includes:

» Low rostrum displaying musical equipment: drum kit, guitar, amp, speakers, microphone and stand. Next to it a table with penny flute and keyboard
» Rainbow coloured parachute material, laid out on the ground with three large bags placed on top
» Baby grand piano and various musical scores
» Tenori-on linked to PA system
» Stereo and turntable with an eclectic selection of albums on vinyl and CD including: The Real Purcell; Peters and Lee ‘By Your Side' LP; Mojo presents In My Room; Midnight Hustle; NME; Savannah Knight; Northern Soul; Disco Legends
» Bar complete with beer, wine, plastic cups, ice and bottle openers
» Two overhead projectors positioned to light the same suspended projection screen from either side
» Pens, paper, cardboard, cellophane, bubble-wrap, tinfoil, etc
» A large pool filled with plastic balls (red, yellow, blue, green), two pilates balls and a red and green hula hoop

8pm: doors open and the crowd filter through until venue reaches capacity. In the spaces between props, greetings and conversations take place in small congregations.

…

At Sebastian's place, yeah,

Hi! (air kiss)

Sound of Tenori-on.

Tinkling on the baby grand piano.

It's like getting drunk in Dynamic Earth, that interactive museum in Edinburgh

8.15pm: announcement over microphone exclaims: …you came here to see an event. IF YOU WANT AN EVENT YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE ONE YOURSELVES!

Sound erupts from different locations within the room: laughter; short blast of Oasis from decks; music pad; drums; piano and electric guitar. Two girls submerge themselves in the ball swamp and frame their faces with hula hoops; facing inwards, the group gathered around the sides take turns to play catch with a pilates ball in a kind of absurd advert for generational harmony.

Yes, when they made the announcement couldn't you hear the collective sigh of relief, you know, that we didn't have to stand here and witness another bloody performance!!

Parachute is raised and lowered in a communal game, propelling flurries of white feathers throughout the space. Nearby the drummer holds simple, steady beat as guitarist experiments with feedback. A cluster of silver metallic helium balloons appears and hangs in the air. The Parachute is transformed into technicolour gown crowned with paper globe lampshade.

Nobody notices or cares that the room is getting subtly brighter. A pilates ball has travelled from the other side of the room; woman wearing neon yellow Stetson squats on it.

Middle-aged stocky man in wide-brim straw hat takes to a raised platform and begins gesticulating next to microphone stand. No sound from microphone. A woman from audience gathered steps up to test. It works. He resumes, still can't be heard, grows frustrated and moves off the stage to deliver a personal message to beautiful girl.

Underneath the rise and fall of the parachute hip young things play sardines.

Another tests the microphone and it works. Straw Hat returns:

Can you hear me?

Come down here please, down here.

Deep breath and oratory stance, loudly:

I am here to defend the rights of men.

Yes, I am here to defend the rights of men against the tyranny of women!

I am here to defend the rights of men, to defend their rights and tell women how to live their lives!!

I am here guy in smart casual clothes glides by and deftly removes microphone stand, depositing it beside guitarist perched on the other side of stage. Straw Hat retrieves and assumes position. Female drummer anticipates his remarks and attempts to drown him out, but loses balance and topples off stool backwards.

Parachute now functions as a collective ghost costume.

Can you hear me?

I will tell you about women!!

Women can drink more than me

Look at you, you drink more than me, I tell you! Small group armed with parachute approach and after enveloping Straw Hat exit stage.

People are drawing on the walls and creating placards and headgear. A girl sporting an Elizabethan collar/sun reflector fashioned from tinfoil makes collages with a friend on the OHP. Next to her a giant game of cats-cradle takes place with ball of twine.

What do you think about all this then, eh?

I think I want to hide away in a dark corner

Why's that then?

Because you're here

20.48pm: There's a crashing sound as baby grand is knocked over, and then turned right side up minus legs. People trash it with hammers, wooden stakes or anything that comes to hand. An ICA ‘bouncer' scolds a particularly aggressive participant.

20.52pm: Ball pond is almost exclusively female; men of a certain age hover round the perimeter. Young guy boots pilates ball and inadvertently strikes old man in the face.

Kerry's gonna get her tits out any minute now

20.54pm: They now play directly on to the piano's strings, using the materials scattered around them, amplifying the sounds with a microphone. Small sign on the piano says Save the piano, Vote Obama!

Help-yourself bar dries up. ICA prevents re-entry with alcohol. Numbers slowly decline.

Current DJ plays Northern Soul prompting a blonde and brunette to dance on makeshift podium.

Gang warfare breaks out between ball swamp and piano camps using plastic balls as ammo.

Black electrical tape on bass drum reads: The Beatles.

9.04 pm: Someone inside a giant white cardboard tube shuffles around the room.

Attempted nakedness in the ball pond.

Should I throw this pint of lager over the whole room?!

From the sprawling debris two girls create garland from multi-coloured balls, feathers, string and masking tape and holding it aloft, dance at a distance from one another.

Cardboard placard: Is this London after Boris?

A drum now sits on top of the baby grand. Straw Hat pounds it maniacally. Signage inside the piano reads: the person who made this piano is probably more talented than all of you.

Axel-F on the keyboard over PA system.

Suspended projection screen graffiti: why can't I smoke in here? ; Rozzie was were, NO 68!

9.30pm: There's a smell of smoke in the air. People stamp on some smouldering material until it is extinguished.

…

9.35pm: Lights up. Security usher the remaining crowd out into ICA bar. The floor is strewn with white feathers, plastic balls, broken props and placards. ICA staff begin clearing up.

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